Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Kitty Means Us Harm

There's a Raccoon that comes into our garage at night looking for cat food. But most of the time it
Hey you, human, do something about that thing!

gets nothing, because most of the time I remember to bring in the cat food. Which brings me to the topic of my post. The cat doesn't appreciate the lack of access to his food bowl at night. You see, he is a creature of the night. But so is the Raccoon, and that is its weakness. The cats can eat during the day, even if they don't really like it.

In retaliation for this serious insult, the cat likes to come to the sliding glass door and torment our Chihuahuas. Often. He seems to take some sick satisfaction from driving the dogs crazy. He gingerly paces back and forth in front of the glass door. Sometimes he will stop mid-pace, turn, face the dogs, put his furry face up to the glass and says in his lowest Tomboy voice:  "MAAAOOOUUUHHH."

It's right about this time that little Tidbit begins to scream. And when it's clear we are going to do nothing about this obvious invasion, he starts screaming louder. The wife and I have this little game we like to play, where we translate one of our dog's behavior into English, and the best I can tell, Tidbit is screaming "HEY GUYS THERE'S A BLACK PANTHER OUT HERE AND I THINK HE WANTS TO EAT US!!! GUYS?! HELLO? THIS THING CLEARLY MEANS US HARM AND IT EVEN SAID TO US 'I am the Kitty, and I mean you harm!" PLEASE GET IT OFF THE PATIO! GUYS? THAT THING IS STILL OUT THERE, PLEASE! GUYS!"

Big Man, Little Dog: Smokey and Salem
Wait, that thing is in the house?!?!
That's pretty close to what Tidbit is trying to tell us, though we believe he would actually be cursing, like his Papa, Lenny would. We like to think that Lenny curses ever since he walked up to me, lifted his leg, said "Piss on the man!" and proceeded to do just that. Luckily he hasn't done it since, and neither have the sons of Lenny. Sometimes I think Lenny is really Wilfred.

Dogs have been at our side since almost the very beginning, and we take it for granted how easily we communicate with them, and they with us. We communicate with other animals, but not like we do with the dog. For example, the cat can tell me "Meow" which means "give me my @#$% food dish," where the dog will bring you the dish and drop it at your feet, alternately picking it and dropping it for dramatic effect. More dogs will even come stand in front of the dish to reinforce the point, like as if they are saying "HEY, WE DON'T HAVE THUMBS AND CANNOT WORK THIS THING, WHICH SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. YOU ARE THE MAN, YOU AM WISE AND POWERFUL. SO BE THE MAN AND FEED US."

Bear at his Kitty invasion command post
Zoey hides, so she will be the last to be eaten by the Panther

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