Monday, June 22, 2015

Single At 48

My first thought of being single at this age was mostly fear. I had a love affair that lasted 20 years. Am I just supposed to shrug it off and start over with someone new? Or be like many guys my age and go out and buy a Corvette and find a blonde half my age to ride in it? Or what if I do meet someone younger and she wants kids? Should I just be a hermit and read books the rest of my life? Jeez, I'm pushing 50--am I even date-able? About the first 100 thoughts I had of being single scared the living shit out of me. Seriously.

But then my head stopped spinning and I've been thinking it through. Yeah, I don't look like I used to. But I know who I am. And I can cook like boss. I'm comfortable being an introvert or an extrovert. I can sit in the corner of a club talking about science or I can say "waitress, tequila me" and dance at least as good as anyone there.

With the right attitude I can go anywhere and do anything, and I finally have the right attitude. I've turned the heartbreak into a power source bringing all these new and exciting people and things into my life. I've shaved my head. I'm ready to put my boots back on.

Hee haw! Let's date haha
People are going to say "yep, middle aged crisis" but some of my changes are more just having this opportunity to re-align the external with the internal. The high pressure job, wife and kids, mortgage and car payments comprised a wonderful life. It was awesome. But when you let go of a rubber band, it snaps back to where it wants to be.

For now I'm going to just try to focus on being awesome and let all that other life stuff like money and love work itself out. Self employment isn't horrible so far. Looking for someone to date isn't on my todo list, but it isn't not on my todo list either, and for me that's a huge change.

If I decide to date, then whatever happens in my dating life, better rejection than regret. It'll be a rare thing going to bed at night wondering if she likes me. She may think I'm an arrogant prick or dating out of my league. Or she may see me as a self-confident teddy bear who would take a bullet for people I care about. I'm fine with either, but in my single life I might be interested finding out the latter.

Who knows, but it's gone from an extremely sad to an extremely exciting time in my life. And right now I already kind of have a girlfriend. She is a petite 6 pounds and she gets jealous easily.

"I'm not sharing my human pet. I finally have him trained"
Another barrier of entry into my life is not only am I not looking for someone to take care of me by cooking, cleaning, etc., but I probably wouldn't want someone to. I fold my towels with technical precision, and I take great pride in my lime-tequila chicken quesadillas, made with green onions picked from the garden this morning. I own a rug doctor. All the things I want and need in my life, I already have.

Ok, a nerdy, steady drinking and dancing partner who likes the outdoors and looks at me the way Zoey looks at me wouldn't hurt. No hurry, though. Life is full of infinite possibility. And quesadillas.

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