Thursday, April 14, 2016

Middle Path

Sometimes I get really scared that something will happen to one of my dogs and I won't have the money for it. I didn't have that fear when I made metric shit tons of money. But back then, the family and dogs had everything they needed except for me. Work was so stressful that when even my body was there with my loved ones, my mind was still at work.

Sometimes I vacillate and want to go back to that life. Today was one of those days. But my life 2.0 is more big-picture (spirtually?) focused, and I think that I want to find a more middle path. Being able to foot a multi-thousand vet bill for my dogs would mean a life mostly without me present. I could accomplish the same thing by finding them homes with rich people.

So I did a mental exercise and looked into my dogs eyes, and tried to visualize what their answer would be, and I have no doubt that faced with a choice of guaranteed health with me gone most of the time , or an uncertain future that involves me always being there for them, they would rather be with me.

A few of my family and friends think I've lost my mind because now that I'm physically able to go back to the life of a six figure income, I should do that. It shouldn't even be a question. Stopping to question it shouldn't happen. The wife would come back, the kids would start talking to me again. But I've changed, and I'm getting older. I look back at the last 20 years and the money in retrospect wasn't worth what I gave up to have it, no matter how much everyone in my life enjoyed the money.

So, the last month or so I've been very introspective. The life I would really like is exactly what I have now but with a little more money. I pay my rent helping my brother out with his brewery, have a few small clients and the outdoor blog is making a little money. Other than for an emergency or sudden vehicle repair, I have everything I want.

There's a middle path somewhere in this sea of opportunity. The new business is like this unfinished sculpture in the living room that I chip away at. Sometimes I spend a few days at a time on it, and sometimes I go a week without doing anything with it. A sculpture is much better when it's not forced. I don't want to create the wrong thing.

Every day I wake up and the first thing I see is Zoey looking at me like I'm the most important thing in her world. It's very rare that I have to shove her aside to jet out to something important. Sometimes I'll lay in bed for an hour petting her and Ty before I get out of bed. I'm going to choose a middle path that doesn't give any of that up. The ability to lay in bed with my honey bunny is worth thousands of dollars to me.

"Come back to bed, pet"

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